Home Movies 12 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes

12 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes


“Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!”

“I think we’re heading for a two state solution. Israel as a solid, Palestine vaporised into a gas.”

[On Donald Trump] “He’s sort of like a pumpkin having a nervous breakdown. He’s like a sort of corrupt tele-evangelist that Columbo would have as a baddie or something.”

“I’m very old now and I’ve got a body like a dropped lasagne. Women now look at my naked body in the same fearful way that pensioners look at snow.”

“It’s very hard to tell if the Queen is unhappy with you. She hasn’t really cracked a smile since Diana died.”

[On Theresa May] “The worst person at controlling a party since Michael Barrymore.”

“Where is David Cameron now? Probably with chaps from his year at school on an Arms Industry jolly, betting on which blindfolded tramp can successfully cross the surface of a frozen lake.”

[On Jacob Rees-Mogg] “A composite figure drawn from the nightmares of 18th century millworkers. He looks like a Punch cartoon of the first giraffe in England.”

[To audience] “I feel like putting out a public service announcement at the start of the show saying ‘in the result of a fire you will all be better looking’.”

“And welcome, a woman who’s brainier than Kurt Cobain’s garage wall, it’s Carol Vorderman!”

“We had the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow this year. A great choice of venue: a place where people think Hepatitis B is a vitamin.”

[On Scottish independence] “David Beckham sent the people of Scotland an open letter. An open letter – because he couldn’t work out how to get it into envelope.”